Sandra Day O’Connor’s farewell letter is a plea for country before party

By Ephrat Livni22 minutes ago


Sandra Day O’Connor is not an average American, and there’s plenty of evidence to support this contention.


For one, she was the first woman to serve on the US Supreme Court, appointed in 1981 by Ronald Reagan. And she’s remained active in public life even after her retirement in 2006, committed to advancing civic learning and sharing her passion for the US Constitution and the government it lays out. Today (Oct. 23), she announced she’s stepping out of the limelight because she’s been diagnosed with the beginning stages of dementia and probably has Alzheimer’s disease.


In a sort of farewell letter to the nation (pdf), she urges the rest of us to take up the cause of active citizenship that she can no longer devote herself to entirely, writing:


I feel so strongly about the topic because I’ve seen first-hand how vital it is for all citizens to understand our Constitution and unique system of government, and participate actively in their communities. It is through this shared understanding of who we are that we can follow the approaches that have served us best over time–working collaboratively together in communities and in government to solve problems, putting country and the common good above party and self-interest, and holding our key governmental institutions accountable.


O’Connor, 88, is a pioneer in more ways than one. In 2010, she started iCivics, a non-profit institution that provides free civics games and tutorials to students online and creates lesson plans for teachers in classrooms. On the site, she explains the project, saying, “The practice of democracy is not passed down through our gene pool. It must be taught and learned anew by each generation of citizens.”


In her letter today O’Connor called on all Americans to commit to the project of democracy by engaging in their communities and participating. “It’s not enough to understand, you’ve got to do something,” she writes.


If anyone is in a position to say this, it’s O’Connor, who as a self-described “young cowgirl from the Arizona desert” never could have imagined becoming the first woman on the high court. “I hope that I have inspired young people about civic engagement and helped pave the pathway for women who may have faced obstacles pursuing their careers,” she writes. “While the final chapter of my life with dementia may be trying, nothing has diminished my gratitude and deep appreciation for the countless blessings in my life.”


In response to O’Connor’s announcement, chief justice John Roberts issued a brief statement (pdf), writing that he is saddened by the news but “not at all surprised” that she used the moment “to think of our country first, and to urge an increased commitment to civics education, a cause to which she devoted so much of her time and indomitable energy.” He called her “a towering figure in the history of the United States and indeed the world” and “a role model not only for girls and women, but for all those committed to equal justice under law.”


Roberts concluded, that “no illness or condition can take away the inspiration she provides for those who will follow the many paths she has blazed.” It’s a sentiment that everyone can agree with—whatever their political affiliation.

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5 Tips for Communicating with Someone with Alzheimer’s

Did you know that 5.5 million Americans are currently living with Alzheimer’s disease? Communicating with someone diagnosed with Alzheimer’s can be challenging and often create frustration. However, communication is possible if you remain patient, avoid distractions, avoid pointing out mistakes, utilize nonverbal communication, and keep it simple. Read about these tips in more detail below.

5 Tips to Communicate Effectively

Be Patient

When communicating with someone with Alzheimer’s, make sure to prepare yourself before entering into a conversation. You need to be remain patient and know that it may become challenging. Do not raise your voice, show stress, or demonstrate frustration. Allow your loved one to take their time. Remember to listen and do not interrupt.

Avoid Distractions

Take away the distractions by having the conversation away from competing sights and sounds. You can do this by using a quiet room in the house (like a den or bedroom) so the attention is focused on you and not the T.V., the cars driving by, or other background noise. Doing so will at least create a clear pathway for talking.

Avoid Pointing Out Mistakes

You can easily get off topic or lose someone’s attention if you point out a mistake or correct something he or she said. Avoid this mistake and avoid arguing with your loved one.

Utilize Nonverbal Communication

Communication uses both verbal and nonverbal messaging. Try to use visual and nonverbal cues (i.e. hand gestures, facial expressions, etc.) to get your message across.

Keep the Conversation Simple

Depending on where the disease is in its progression, you may need to keep your sentences short and to the point. Eventually, as it progresses, you may need to keep your questions to yes or no answers. In addition, breakdown larger concepts into smaller, easier-to-understand talking points. For example, if you need to discuss a new medication – consider all of the items you need to communicate: the name of the medication, its purpose, why it’s happening, when it needs to be taken, how often, etc. Break down each of this and take time messaging it.

Remember not to take any issues or comments said personally. By being patient and showing respect to your loved one you can set the tone for the conversation.

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Letter From Vivian on Mother's Day

Hi, just wanted to let you know how Mom is doing, and say Happy Mother's Day. Many of you have told me this would not be easy, and boy you are so right. I look at Mom with such sadness and pity, and wish I could do more for her to make her pain go away.

Think of Mom when you say you can’t find anything to wear. It is sad for someone who had enough clothes to wear for the next 10 years and never wear the same thing twice. Now she is not able to dress herself. She was putting them on backwards or inside out. I was wondering why she didn't want to get out of her PJs, but watched her one morning,. She didn't know what to do with the clothes she had in her hands.

She wants to wear the same thing over and over again, because it is less painful to pick out something else. Now I dress her and make her look pretty. The next time you dress yourself and find something to wear, just be glad you know what to do with it and where it goes.

Think of Mom, the next time you take a nice warm bath and are enjoying it. Appreciate the fact that you’re not afraid of the water, that it feels so good to get nice and clean, and that you can get out of the tub on your own in privacy. (And that you can bathe alone.) The only time I enjoyed taking a shower with someone was when it was in a passionate moment and cleanliness was not the only thing on my mind.

My girlfriend, Jeannie, has helped me gather a lot of her clothes to donate to the people in need and to a church. We have filled 30 trash bags, and she still has more. I cried the first time I did it, but it gets easier now knowing that someone can use them. I cried, too, because I can’t fit in any of her things. She is so tiny, and I am so big.

The next time you go into a room and forget why you went there, think of Mom. She does it all the time, now! The only problem is that when we retrace our steps, we usually remember why;she doesn't.

She had more shoes than Imelda Marcos and can't wear them anymore because she can't walk without losing her balance. She sometimes sneaks in her room and puts on a pair of heels and just stands there, afraid to move. She has fallen a couple of times, but luckily she has not hurt herself. I don't know anyone that has feet small enough to wear them. If you know of someone let me know. Think of Mom the next time you put on your favorite pair of shoes and really enjoy how good they make you feel.

She is going blind in one eye, and the doctor is constantly testing her to see if she will need surgery for glaucoma. She looks for a new pair of glasses, but the ones she has are brand new. I look at her eyes, and they are so sad. She tries to cry, but her tear ducts are dry, and so no tears will come. I cry for her and have enough for the both of us. But she never sees me cry.

Think of Mom the next time you're at a dance and see a senior lady sitting and waiting to be asked. She is probably remembering when she was young like you, and burned up the floor at a ballroom somewhere, listening to a great big band, entering in jitterbug contests, a marathon, in her best dress that she can no longer fit into or is in the back in her closet of memories. Ask her to dance and give her a thrill again. It only takes the length of a song to make her happy. Mom used to go the old Sweets Ballroom in Oakland, Calif., and that is where she met my dad.

Mom asks me everyday if she can help me do something. I wish she could. She wants to wash dishes, but doesn’t know what the soap is for. If you come to my house, and you happen to see a dirty dish or glass in the cupboard, just take it out quietly and put it in the dishwasher for me for I missed that one.

Think of Mom when you want to go for a walk and then put it off because of one excuse or another. She never drove a car and loved to walk. She used to walk all over Hayward instead of taking the bus. She never asked anyone for a ride. Now she can’t walk anywhere without the aid of a walker or holding on to a wall.

Think of Mom when you remember the good times you had with your friends and family and can still laugh at the funny things you did with them, and you can still remember who they are. Even the bad, can be blessing, if you can remember it.

Enjoy the next book or magazine you read, and can remember it a day or two from now how much you liked it and how it enriched your life. Mom loves the magazines that she gets and reads the same ones over and over again. She enjoys them every time she reads them because to her, they are new stories. She’ll pick up the book ten minutes from now, and will read the same thing again. It does save money. I just hide them, and then in a week change them again.

I quit telling her or talking about the people that have died in the family because she goes through the loss each time. She still wants to visit her sister who has passed. She wants to visit her friend that died many years ago in Pennsylvania, too.

Enjoy your home and be thankful that you don’t have a mean daughter taking care of you. She keeps asking to go home because she has visited us too long. And her dog must be missing her. Your heart is where your home is, and I have broken her heart.

I hug her a lot, especially when I lose my cool and get angry because I think she doesn't want to behave. It is sad how our roles are reversed. Funny, I always wanted a child, and now I have one — and a defiant one at that. I still can’t tell when she is Mom or when ALZ takes over.

Please don't feel sorry for Mom or me. This is a choice she made; not talking to me about what to do if and when this was going to happen or preparing for her care. What would make me happy is to tell you, not to put your children through this. If at all possible, prepare yourself for when the time comes, if you are fortunate enough and foolishly want to live forever but your mind and body doesn’t want to do the same.

Write memories down or tell your children stories about yourself or your family, before you get too old and don’t remember the stories correctly. Even if your children aren’t interested now, maybe your grandchildren will want to know. Everyone has a story and yours is unique. Mom talks to people now, and tells stories about herself, but gets confused about whom she is talking about.

Mom still knows who I am, but I know that soon she won’t recognize me. Some Moms make bad choices, but who hasn’t. We live with the choices that we make. Who is to say what a good Mom is? It is up to the individual. If you are lucky enough to be a Mom (or Dad), be the best you can be. Maybe you are, only your children know. If you still have the chance, and think you need to do better, do it before it is too late. You don’t get another life to make it right.

If you have a Mom and she is healthy, be thankful if she can take care of herself. If she is ill or in a rest or convalescent home, don’t pass up the opportunity to visit and laugh with her. There might come a time when you will no longer have the chance. Hug her real tight and tell her how much you love her.

If you lost your Mom too soon, I am sorry. I just hope you had a chance to enjoy her when she was here.

I hope you miss her as much as I miss mine.

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