Thursday, November 5, 2015

Sex in a Time of Caregiving






 

 


According to the AgingCare.com 2015 State of Caregiving Report, an overwhelming majority of caregivers are females over the age of 50. Ninety-one percent of adult child caregivers are daughters, and wives constitute 76 percent of spousal caregivers. The typical adult child caregiver is between 50 and 70 years old, while spousal caregivers tend to be slightly older—between 60 and 80 years old. For many women, caregiving takes a toll on their romantic relationships. Priorities can quickly become overwhelming and leave a partner or spouse feeling neglected or forgotten. Physiological changes due to menopause can complicate things even further.   If a caregiver is fortunate enough to be able to have some alone time with their partner, a number of different issues can get in the way of enjoying this romantic respite. Clinical Director of the Women’s Institute for Sexual Health (WISH) in Nashville, TN, Brooke Faught, RNC, MSN, APN, shares her expertise on the various problems that women commonly experience after age 50 and how caregiving may complicate things further:


Post-Menopausal Changes

Q: What are some of the most common sexual health issues for women over 50 years of age?

A: “Probably one of the most prevalent conditions that I see in women over 50 is moderate-to-severe dyspareunia, which is painful intercourse due to vulvar and vaginal atrophy. After menopause, estrogen declines, and that leads to a physiologic change in vaginal skin cells. Women can experience this as painful intercourse and even as chronic vulvar itching, burning, stinging, tearing, bleeding—just really unpleasant symptoms.”

Q: What are some of the treatments for these issues that are so common for this age group?

A: “The wonderful thing is, in the past—specifically if we’re talking about menopausal changes leading to dyspareunia and painful intercourse—we’ve thought primarily about hormone replacement. But there’s been a big uproar about using hormones in certain women, and then some women just choose not to use hormones. Now we have non-hormonal options that are available to treat these conditions. What that means is women really need to open up and talk to their medical provider and be honest about their symptoms so that they can have a comprehensive health assessment to determine what the best treatment option is going to be for them. There are multiple different options available—oral, vaginal, et cetera.   “One thing to keep in mind is that these conditions are chronic, they are progressive, and without treatment, unfortunately, the vaginal tissue changes that lead to painful intercourse are only going to worsen over time. It’s not something that you can just put on the back burner and [say,] ‘I’ll deal with it later.’ Every day that goes by, it’s going to get worse and worse. Upwards of 25 to 50 percent of women that are post-menopausal experience these conditions, so they’re definitely not alone.


 Caregiver Stress

Family caregivers are typically under a great deal of pressure to balance their own lives and provide quality care and companionship for a loved one. Although caregiver stress is unique, women who are experiencing a great deal of anxiety or tension in their lives can experience negative sexual symptoms at any age.   Faught describes sex as “a complicated cascade of events” that include hormonal, muscular, neurological and psychological components. There are a lot of different factors that play into a rewarding sexual experience, and stress can be a serious inhibiting element on multiple levels.

Q: How does stress—especially from caregiving—play into this dysfunction. Does it make it worse, I would assume?

A: “When we’re stressed, our muscles become tense, blood vessels constrict—there’s a variety of things that happen that can negatively impact the blood flow that is so critical for feedback between the brain and the genitals. So, that can lead to pain, that can lead to decreased arousal, desire, and even lubrication. I see this, and it’s [common for] any age category, but it’s really important for women to be aware of this.   “[For] men, on the other hand, sometimes sex can be a little bit easier. When they are undergoing stress or illness, a lot of times sex is a stress reliever. But for women, sex becomes more of a chore in circumstances where they’re busy and they’re caring for other people. It’s really important for them to realize that sometimes making sex a priority is what’s necessary.”


Depression

Q: Depression of varying degrees can be pretty common among caregivers, and that can really affect sexual health. How can they treat their depression or anxiety without having a severe impact on this aspect of their lives?

A: “It’s kind of a catch-22. Depression in and of itself can lead to sexual issues, but also the medications that we use to treat it can have sexual side effects. There’s really no clear answer—it’s really an individualized approach that’s needed to help. But I strongly encourage, for a variety of reasons, to never let depression go untreated. (I hate to say untreated, because I think that people think that means with medication, but there’s a lot of ways to treat depression.)   “When women are stressed, that’s a very common experience, to feel depressed or to experience true depression, and I’ve seen that quite a bit in my office. Now, I’m not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, but you really can’t separate that out when you’re dealing with sexual matters, and I really strongly encourage women to seek care [for depression] just like they do for their physical issues.”

  Abstaining from Sexual Activity

Whether or not you have voluntarily decided to forego sexual relations, or have simply encountered a dry spell due to caregiving, divorce or other extenuating circumstances, Faught encourages women to try to keep the spark alive. Women who have given up on the thought of having intimate relations may eventually find themselves wishing to become sexually active again. They may then have difficulties that they never experienced before, which can be both embarrassing and physically painful.   “If a woman is not sexually active, that can lead to a woman not wanting to be sexually active. That can lead to decreased arousal and sensation and so forth.”   Essentially, Faught is saying is that if you don’t use it, you’re likely to lose it. According to Mayo Clinic, “Regular sexual activity, with or without a partner, can help you maintain healthy vaginal tissues.” This increases blood flow and helps these tissues retain their elasticity.


Other Options for Treatment

Q: What are some non-medical treatments for women who may be experiencing sexual issues?

A: “The way that I practice sexual medicine is holistic, which means that I treat the entire body, and that includes the mind as well. So, for my women, we really look at the entirety of the situation. Certainly we’re going to include medicinal options when appropriate. [For instance,] acknowledging if there’s relationship discord or there’s stress—maybe counseling can be beneficial. Sometimes physical therapy for the pelvic floor can be beneficial. And, a lot of times, using all of these combined as a team effort, and using some of these other treatments as an adjunct to medicinal treatment can improve the efficacy of the game plan.”   “[Another] thing to keep in mind is some people think about lubricants and moisturizers as another alternative option. That’s fantastic, and I recommend those frequently (glycerin free lubricants and coconut oil). The problem is that’s really kind of putting a band aid on the issue. If a woman just has mild symptoms, sometimes that’s all that they need to alleviate some of their discomfort and enhance sensation. But, branching into the more moderate-to-severe category, it’s probably not going to be enough, and it’s certainly not going to change the physiologic changes that have happened with menopause.”


Taking the Next Steps

Faught recommends having candid discussions with your physician in order to affectively address any iddues you may be experiencing. She also urges women to visit the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health website for more information on female sexual health issues and treatments.   “This is an International medical organization that is good for both professionals and the general public to find local resources on providers that treat sexual complaints both from a medical aspect, but also psychological, et cetera.”   Regardless of your unique situation, caregiving, stress, emotional health, and menopause can all have detrimental effects on a woman’s sexual health. Rather than making do with these factors, it is important for women to understand that they are entitled to enjoying themselves on this basic human level. A simple discussion with a physician can help women decide what approaches are the best fit for improving their sexual health.

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Monday, November 2, 2015

Memory Care Tricks from an Unlikely Literary Source

I just finished reading "And The Mountains Echoed," by Khaled Hosseini.
 
 
It is a wonderful book, a little confusing as it jumps back and forth between various eras, and has two characters with the same name. But the end of the book, and the life of the character that begins the story, tells of his drop into the foggy realm of Alzheimer's.
 
 
While his daughter is caring for him at home, she defuses his out of control rants by quickly giving him a catalog to distract him from whatever has upset him. Another trick she used was to turn the TV to the Weather Channel, boring him enough to put him asleep.
Great ideas – I hadn't thought of them.
 
When he finally ends up in a memory care facility, the author tells of them using a "fidget apron" on him. The apron has strings he can tie or twist, and buttons that he can work with, helping to relieve agitation.
 
 
Those things made me begin to wonder what other tricks memory care units use to calm and occupy patients that we caregivers could adapt for home use.
 
 
Of course, the book itself is fiction, but I am sure the ideas came from real life experiences. So I began digging for information. Thanks to the Internet, answers were just a click away:
  • One suggestion was to use "tool boxes" to jog the patient's memory and even start a dialogue about their recollections using certain items such as kitchen utensils, sewing supplies, tools and cleaning implements.
  • Small area maps, found in drug stores or restaurants, can be used to help patients find their place in the community.
  • Reduce stress and create a calm environment by playing music the patient may recall from his or her youth or church memories. Just last week, Charlie asked me to order a set of CD's with music from the 1950's that were advertised on TV. Hearing the music began to stir memories from his past and he wanted to make them a part of his present. Also, whenever he hears music from the Viet Nam era he begins talking about his service there in the late ‘60s.
  • Patients in the later stages of memory loss may find it soothing to hold a doll or stuffed animal. A stuffed dog or cat, for instance, may even become a satisfactory replacement for a pet left behind when the patient entered long-term care.


Dementia, distant memories and simple chores Charlie's daughter made him two beautiful scrapbooks: one with photos and memorabilia of family, the other, a book of his military experiences. He enjoys sitting and reminiscing about events that are triggered by the photos and news articles.   Like most patients with dementia, he has far better recall of things from the distant past than what transpired yesterday.   I had a neighbor whose claim to fame was her spotless house. This didn't change when she fell into the dementia pit.   Day after day she wandered the house cleaning the same drawer(s) that she had cleaned yesterday. At first, her husband told her to stop, reminding her that she did that yesterday. But, he finally learned that to her, she was "spring cleaning" each and every day, and was proud of the work she was doing. Giving the patient simple chores to do will give them a sense of usefulness. Just be careful not to criticize if the chore isn't done up to your high standards.   Charlie loves to feed the birds. I buy a loaf of bread each week, just so he'll have something to feed the crows. He waits by the window for them to come from the perch, high above the house, where they await his daily bounty. I'm sure they wouldn't starve without his help, but he feels like he has done something important. And he has – for himself as well as the birds.   If you are a reader, borrow the Hosseini book from the library and do something to relieve your own stress.

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Sunday, November 1, 2015

The Emotional Costs of Caregiving

 
JanetandDad
 
For the more than 40 million Americans now caring for elderly family members, the word “stress” takes on a whole new meaning. While for most of us stress comes in the form of work, financial, or time pressures that come and go in waves, for family caregivers stress is unrelenting and inescapable. That’s the picture that emerges from a survey of caregivers conducted by Caring.com in July, 2015. According to these data, four out of ten caregivers spend more than 30 hours a week on caregiving tasks, and caregivers are shouldering a wide range of responsibilities for aging loved ones, from shopping and cooking to bathing and dressing. It’s an enormous job, and one that comes at a high cost, affecting caregivers’ personal lives, emotionally, socially, and financially.


These impacts include:


1. Emotional Stress
Fear, anxiety, and guilt are a caregiver’s constant companions, says Ann Cason, a geriatric care manager in Portland, Oregon. “You’re spending an enormous amount of emotional energy all the time worrying,” says Cason. And long-distance caregivers don’t have it any easier than those who are just a quick drive away. “No matter what’s going on, you visualize that your parent is having a hard time, and you feel guilty that you’re not there,” Cason says. “And if you’re flying back and forth all the time, that’s disruptive and stressful, too.” What takes the biggest, toll, Cason says, is the feeling of not being in control. “It’s a feeling of helplessness – anything can happen and you have to be ready.” For those providing live-in care, the pressure of having to be on-call all the time can be overwhelming, Cason says. “It’s claustrophobic.”


2. The Stress of Never-Enough-Time
“I never feel like I’m able to give Mom enough time and attention,” says Liz Joyce of Hummelstown, Pennsylvania, who cares for her 80-year-old mother. Like many other caregivers, Liz has children (she’s a mother of four!) and feels torn between the needs of both generations. For example, she says, “Don’t ever try to take an 80-year-old with a walker to the grocery store while babysitting an infant. First of all, you can't fit a stroller and a walker in the car at the same time, and second of all, nobody's happy after about 10 minutes.” The constant juggling act leaves her feeling like she’s always neglecting somebody or something, Liz says.


“My life came to a screeching halt when Mom moved in,” says Camilla White of Huntsville, Alabama, who moved her mother, Lillian, into her home when dementia and a series of falls made it unsafe for Lillian to remain in the family home. A peek into Camilla’s daily schedule paints a daunting picture of what it takes to juggle caregiving while holding a full-time job. “I got up at 4 a.m. to get ready, then I had to wake mom up at 5 and help her get dressed,” Camilla says. “I’d have breakfast on the table by 5:30, then get her in the car and take her to the Alzheimer’s Center so I could be at work by 8 a.m. I had to pick her up by 4:30, but I couldn’t always get there, so I’d have to ask the girls from the Center to take her home and sit with her until I could be there.”


Camilla’s only break from caregiving was a couple of hours on Saturday mornings, when she had an in-home caregiver come in so she could take an exercise class. Her social life? Nonexistent. “It was a very regimented life, and it showed. People at work would look at me and say `You’re looking rough.’ It took its toll,” Camilla says. Eventually it became clear that a better situation had to be found, and Lillian moved into an assisted living community. “I’m still there for her, but I can get my life back together,” Camilla says.


Camilla & Mother


3. Family Conflicts While we’d like to think parents are always grateful for the care their adult children provide, that’s not always the case, which can lead to conflict. For example, caregivers may become concerned that a parent’s living situation isn’t safe, while a parent insists everything’s fine. “Children are always worried about their parents’ safety and the parents are always worried about preserving their independence,” says Cason. The resulting tug-of-war isn’t always pleasant.


Even more commonly, sibling relationships become strained by caregiving, particularly over differing perspectives on what parents need. “If the siblings aren’t involved, they think that if mom or dad is in a senior living facility, then there’s nothing to do,” says Janet Gruber of Florida, who cares for her 89-year-old father, Delbert. “It’s an emotional roller coaster for the family, especially if the siblings aren’t in accordance or aren’t helping at the same rate.”


4. Financial Stress Finances are a leading cause of stress for Americans today, and that stress is multiplied for caregivers. Half of respondents to this year’s survey reported spending more than $5,000 on caregiving expenses in the past year. For a significant number of families, caregiving expenses run sky high. Almost 10 percent of the caregivers surveyed were spending more than $50,000 a year to care for a loved one, while another 12 percent were spending between $20,000 and $50,000. Over time, many families exhaust their resources. “Financially we’re about at rock bottom right now,” says Florida retiree Janet Gruber, 67. “I may have to quit work and bring Dad home, but then I worry about what happens to Dad if something happens to me and my husband.”


5. Health issues
All this stress can put an enormous strain on caregivers’ health. Many Caring.com survey respondents report experiencing medical problems that may be exacerbated by stress, including high blood pressure, depression, arthritis, and other types of chronic pain. Almost 40 percent of those surveyed reported suffering from sleep problems. And many feel that the stress of caring an elderly parent, spouse or other loved one is causing them to age faster themselves.


6. Living Arrangements Play a Role in Caregiver Stress Whether an aging parent lives with an adult child, independently, or in a senior living community plays a significant role in the amount of physical and emotional stress caregivers experience, Caring.com’s survey found. In the15 percent of families surveyed in which the parent continues to live in their own home, 38 percent of caregivers worried about the safety and health of their loved ones, and 27 percent were concerned about the burden of supporting the parent’s independence on other family members. Only a quarter of these seniors were able to live without some form of in-home care, often at significant cost to the family. In terms of satisfaction, only 24 percent of families were happy with this situation, while a third were dissatisfied.


More than 60 percent of the caregivers surveyed had a parent living with them, and in these families stresses were particularly high. Only 23 percent of those caring for an elderly parent in the home were satisfied with their situation, while 44 percent were unhappy. Perhaps not surprisingly, caregivers whose loved ones lived in a senior living community felt most at ease, particularly because they were saved from the constant worry that their parent was lonely or in danger.


Liz Joyce is still haunted by the memory of how her mother suffered a stroke while living by herself 25 miles away. “It was a nightmare realizing that something was amiss and racing out to her apartment to find her in the middle of a stroke, and it was terrifying for her, too,” Joyce says. “I worry SO much less about falls, about people taking advantage of her (or worse), and about her social opportunities.”



If there’s one constant that caregivers can count on as their loved ones age, it’s change, as caregivers are called on over and over to meet their parents’ evolving needs. And overcoming those ever-increasing challenges takes a high toll in stress, fatigue, and personal sacrifice, as evidenced by Caring.com’s 2015 survey results. Today’s family caregivers bring enormous dedication and creativity to the job of helping their loved ones age safely and in good health, but they need help. The hope is that as the number of Americans caring for an elderly loved one rises, the resources available to support those caregivers grow, too.

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