How to Handle People with Dementia Who Tell Lies

Then, there are abuse issues. Again, there are horrible incidences of physical elder abuse. The worst ones make the news, but many go undetected or unreported.

However, many people are accused of abusing their loved one because the person with dementia has lost the ability to connect with reality.

When the caregiver tries to wash the elder, or change his or her clothes, or even take the elder in the car for an appointment, an elder with dementia has been known to scream out, seemingly in pain. The person isn't doing this to cause trouble. He or she is frightened.

I can't stress strongly enough that I'm aware of very real elder abuse. But I do know, from personal stories I've been told  that caregivers are often the target of accusations from the very people they are giving up much of their lives to care for. This is happening because the person with the failing memory cannot make sense out of his or her environment. They aren't trying to cause trouble. They simply can no longer make sense out of life.

How to Cope

• Get the help of a third party, whether it's a spiritual leader, another family member, nursing home staff or an old friend of your elder's can help.
• Call the Alzheimer's Association for guidance, as they see this often and have trained counselors to help.
• Get out financial records if the accusations are financial (they often are). Keep good records from the start, but have them ready to show to your elder or the accusing person.
• Engage an elder attorney if necessary. This is extreme, but sometimes it happens that you need legal counsel.
• If you have siblings or others who believe the other person and not you, you may want to engage a family mediator.

Often, these accusations are transient, and the person with dementia forgets the incident. It's hard for the caregiver to forget that he or she has been accused of stealing or harming someone they love, but this is a time when we must remember that the person is sick. However, sometimes we have to protect ourselves. When we must, we must.

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