How To Choose Housing for A Person With Dementia

Choosing Housing for A Person With Dementia

When choosing a new home for a person with dementia, it is important to keep in mind some basic guidelines. While the decision to seek residential care may be difficult, the following tips are meant to help you stay focused on the task at hand.

• Be clear about the particular special care needs of the person with dementia before beginning the process of selecting a residential setting. Keep those needs in mind as you review the literature for each facility and when you tour a facility. It's best to write them down and take them with you. Also, think about the special needs and preferences of your family. For example, do you need a residence that can provide kosher food? Is the facility located in an area that is accessible to family members who would like to visit your loved one on a regular basis? Your local Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org) is an excellent resource for help in determining your family's needs and they can provide literature as well as guidance to help you to make the best possible choice for everyone involved.
• Know your budget. It's easy to lose sight of what you can and can't afford when dealing with an emotionally charged issue. This is especially important when choosing an assisted living facility for which there are few or no outside sources of funding and private funds must cover the entire cost of care. In addition, residential care for people with dementia is more expensive than comparable care for those without this disease.

• Take as much time as you can to learn about the different facilities. Alzheimer's experts believe that it is best to visit between three and five places before deciding on one. You may want to have a friend or another family member go with you when you make these visits. It can be helpful to have both the company and the observations of a person who is less emotionally involved with the process. The more you are able to see, the more comfortable you will be with your final choice.
• Check whether the environment of the facility is specially designed to accommodate dementia behavior. A calm and pleasant setting contributes to the overall treatment for people with dementia. Many of the newer assisted living facilities have a "home-like" atmosphere with communal kitchens staffed and supervised 24 hours a day. These facilities often have communal lounges furnished like living rooms to encourage socialization among residents, staff, and visitors. The physical setting should provide cues for the residents that promote independence such as a color-coded path for finding the way back to a common area should a resident become confused. Some facilities hang a collage-type box containing personal mementos and photos on room doors to help residents recognize their rooms. Ask what safety systems are used to deal with wandering. For example, are the elevators and doors alarmed? Do the residents wear wrist or ankle bracelets that set off alarms if they accidentally leave the dementia unit?

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How to Convince Your Parent to Move to Assisted Living

Conventional wisdom says that we all want to stay in our own homes for as long as we can. That is likely how most of our elders feel; however it's not always in their best interest to do so. How do we talk with them about the realities and dangers of staying at home once their health is failing, and how do we convince them that a move to an assisted living center could be a very good – and positive option?  I believe that part of the problem with convincing elders, and many younger people for that matter, is that people haven't been inside a modern assisted living center. Deep inside their gut, they harbor the outdated image of an "old folk's home." They consider a move from the family home one more step away from independence and one step closer toward death. They think a move to assisted living signifies to the world that they now have the proverbial "one foot on a banana peel and one foot in the grave." This image and mindset is stubborn.  For many elders, some in-home help and a personal alarm can be enough. They are able to stay in their own home for years with a relatively small amount of help. Then, a spouse dies. The survivor is now truly alone. There's no one to get help for them should they fall and can't set off their alarm. There are few opportunities to socialize. Meals become a chore, so they don't eat well. Memory is failing, and the stove doesn't get turned off. The single elder, stubbornly clinging to the idea that their familiar home is best, can often be a sad and lonely sight. Contrast this life with living in a good assisted living center, whether it's a stand-alone building, one connected to a nursing home or a small family operation where only a few seniors board. In any of these situations, seniors can thrive because: They don't have the responsibility of keeping up a home, so they are relieved of the need to hire help or let the house deteriorate. They have people around should they need medical help or other assistance. They have choices of food and snacks with nutritional value and, in most cases, good quality. Perhaps most importantly, they make new friends and have an abundance of activities to choose from.  Okay, you are convinced. You know that you can't keep providing the constant oversight for your parent that has been taking over your life, and by extension, taking over the lives of your spouse and children. How do you go about convincing your parent that it's time think about moving to assisted living?

1. First, plant the seed. Don't approach your parent as though you've already made the decision for him or her. Just mention that there are options that could make life easier and more fun.
   
2. Next, offer a tour of some local assisted living centers, if he or she is willing, but don't push it. Drop the subject if necessary, and wait for another day.
   
3. Watch for a "teachable moment." Did Mom fall, but escape getting badly hurt? Use that as a springboard. You may want to wait a bit, or immediately say something like, "Wow, that was close. Once you're feeling better, maybe we could go look at the new assisted living center over by the church. We'd both feel better if you had people around." Go with your gut on the timing, but use the "moment."
   
4. Again, don't push unless you consider this an emergency. It's hard to wait, but you may need to. Wait for, say, a very lonely day when Mom is complaining about how she never sees her friends anymore. Then, gently, try again.
   
5. Check with your friends and friends of your parents. See if any live happily in an assisted living center nearby, or if their parents do. Just like your first day of school when you looked for a friend – any friend – who may be in your class, your parent would feel much better if there were a friend already in the center.
   
6. Even if they won't know anyone, you can still take your parent to watch a group having fun playing cards or wii bowling. Show off the social aspects of a good center. Keep it light and don't force the issue. Tour more than one center, if possible, and ask your parent for input. Big center or small? New and modern or older and cozy?
   
7. Show interest in how much privacy a resident has. Ask about bringing furniture from home and how much room there is. Take measuring tapes and visualize, if you can see some rooms, how your parent's room(s) would look. Show excitement, as you would do if you were helping your parent move to a new apartment, because that's what you are doing.
   
8. Stress the safety aspects.
   
9. Stress the fact that there's no yard cleanup, but flowers can be tended to. There's no need to call a plumber if the sink breaks, but there are plenty of things to do if people want. There's plenty of freedom to be alone, but company when they desire it.

Then wait. Let it all sink in. Sorry to say that if you want your parent to make the decision, you could have to wait for another fall or something else before they will be willing to take that step. However, if your family is close-knit, have a meeting with the parent at this point and tell him or her how much better the family would feel if the move were made.

Enlist a family friend or spiritual leader to chat with your parent and state the case for this move. Third parties often can make headway when family fails.

Be sensitive to your parent's feelings. Leaving a home where he or she lived with a life partner, raised kids and once had friends among the neighbors is emotionally difficult. Whittling down a lifetime of possessions is hard. Be kind, be sensitive and try to make it be about your parent and not about you.

However, if you must – let your parent know that it will help you to know that he or she is safe. Play the "we are worried about your care." It's the truth. It's just easier if you can swing it, to let the parent make the decision.

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Finding Assisted Living Through Word of Mouth

No doubt you are aware of the importance of word of mouth in your everyday life. People talk to people about products and services all the time. It's no different when you're searching for an assisted living community: People share their opinions when they're deciding on senior living for their loved ones.

But guess what? So do the providers of care. And providers who use word of mouth to make themselves known to potential clients are not just good marketers -- they probably are also good stewards of care. Here's why.

When senior care providers embrace word-of-mouth strategies, they're embracing transparency with residents and families and encouraging community involvement and interaction. Here are some ways you might hear about senior living providers that could indicate they're worth a look when you're choosing care for a loved one.

1. They Engage People
Providers who "get it" are out in the community, seeking input into new services and providing previews and access to current plans. What do you really know about the care providers in your community? When you Google them, what do you find? Those providers who are hosting community forums and providing education are probably among those you want to bring to the top of your list for consideration. Being on the cutting edge is a good sign.

2. They Share Interesting Information
In the book Contagious, Jonah Berger uses the term "social currency." Social currency is about providing people with information that's useful or fun and makes them feel like an insider. When someone shares something that's interesting, surprising, or novel, they look good. For example, when you share a YouTube video with people and they like it, you look good in their eyes. Clark Retirement Home gave people an opportunity to create social currency when they created a video that residents and families could share with others. And let's face it, wouldn't you give this place a look-see after seeing how much fun the residents are having?

3. They Create Triggers
A trigger is something that makes you think of the source. Do providers show up where you live and work, adding value and educating you? For example, caregiving issues in the workplace are becoming more prevalent. Progressive employers are starting to address this trend through benefit programs and education. If a healthcare provider in your community is part of that education in the workplace, they not only are providing a valuable service but they're creating a trigger. You will remember who came and provided you with valuable information.

4. They Give Things Away
An assisted living community that will come into your home and give a home assessment for aging in place is one to consider. Yes, they may provide assisted living at home that they are trying to pitch to you. But if they don't have a hard-sell approach, it means they understand that when you need an advanced level of care, you'll remember and consider them.

5. They Adopt Causes That Are Meaningful to You
I consult with healthcare providers and tell them that it's good for them to support causes in the local community. But to really set themselves apart, they need to "own" their own social cause. For example, one of the biggest concerns you probably have for your elder loved one is making sure he or she doesn't fall and break a hip. So a healthcare provider that takes a particular interest in preventing falls could be appealing to you later, should your loved one need advanced care. Study the causes your local healthcare providers are adopting. It says a lot about them, their culture, and how a loved one might benefit under their care.

Providers of care know that getting out into the community with word-of-mouth strategies is the right thing to do for potential clients -- and that it may also result in business down the line. Smart consumers should recognize these behaviors in providers and know that those who are actively engaged in the community probably have little to hide and much to offer.

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