How to Deal With Losses as You Age

The older you get the more loss you are going to experience and this loss will take many forms including friends, family, and even co-workers and people from around your neighborhood. Death is a part of life, but it doesn't mean that grief gets any easier to handle. Losing those that you love and care about is difficult at any age but many seniors feel like they are losing everyone around them and this makes every loss even more profound.

Tips to Help with Grief

 

It's important to remember through your bereavement that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. So many of us believe that we need to react a certain way, but everyone has their own way of grieving. Be sure that you allow yourself to mourn in a way that feels right and natural to you. It doesn't matter how many times you have lost loved ones, it still hurts, so you should allow yourself to go through the grief process.

 

Many seniors are afraid to ask for help when it comes to their grief. Allow those around you to help you and don't be afraid to let them know what you need. Perhaps you just need someone to lean on or talk to or maybe you need some help finding depression or grief counseling. Don't be afraid to ask for help from those familiar to you.

 

Don't grieve alone. There are many places where you can turn to get support and understanding. Many people get involved in depression or grief counseling, others find that grief support groups help, and others turn to the church or just read all of the literature that they can find on grief. The emotions that you are experiencing have been experienced by many and you don't have to go through this by yourself.

 

Try to anticipate tough times. Many seniors are caught off guard by holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries and it makes the grief very hard to overcome. Think about these things in advance and try to surround yourself by supportive people during these times. Sometimes just having people around will make the days easier to get through.

 

As you get older you may find that some deaths are easier to get through than others. But, you should be prepared for the fact that new losses may resurrect the grief associated with old losses. Many seniors find that some deaths bring back the feelings that they experienced when their spouse or parents died. Allow yourself to explore these emotions.

 

Grief management can be difficult, but when you allow yourself to go through the motions of grief you will find that it is much easier. Remember that you don't have to go through the process alone. Surround yourself with your own support system and don't hesitate to learn more and interact with online support groups. Sometimes just the knowledge that you are not alone is enough to keep you going or will inspire you to reach out and cope with others. Grief is nothing to be ashamed of, it's a normal human emotion process and when you embrace it you'll find that you can move through it more constructively.

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Ways to Sign a Sympathy Card

It is sometimes difficult to know how to appropriately sign or close a sympathy card. You may wish to add a personal note that is sensitive and thoughtful to boost the spirits of the bereaved, but choosing poor words can convey the wrong message. Some closings are more suitable than others based on your relationship with the deceased and survivor, though there is no magic formula for determining the best wording. Taking the time to choose your words carefully, while speaking from the heart, will show that you are sincere and that the loved one will be missed. Whichever closing you choose, it is helpful to include your last name after the salutation to avoid any confusion during this difficult time.

To Close Family and Friends

• Though it is often best to keep your closings short, if you were close to the deceased, expanding on your thought to reference a special memory or endearing qualities conveys how the loved one will be missed. Including the name of the deceased and expressing what he meant to you can also be a comfort to the survivor. For close family, use closings such as "We will miss Uncle Bill's infectious laughter. He will remain in our hearts forever" and "Auntie Jane was so important to me, and I will miss her kind and inspirational words greatly." For close friends,"I was saddened to hear of Roger's passing. I share in your sorrow with love and friendship" and "Jean was so kind and willing to help others in need. I am here to help in any way you need me" are good options.

To Associates and Distant Relatives

• Keep the closing short if you were not close to the deceased, but opt for a personal touch over a generic closing like "Sincerely." Instead, a thoughtful line can convey that the recipient is in your thoughts during this difficult time. Closings such as "Please accept my condolences," "Wishing you peace and strength during this difficult time," "With caring thoughts," "I am sorry for your loss" or "May your memories give you strength" are short and thoughtful.

 

To Parents of a Deceased a Child

• Keep your closing simple and genuine when the recipient is grieving the loss of a child, but avoid including things like "I know how you feel," unless you truly do. Closings like "May the love of those around you provide strength to overcome your pain," "With deepest sympathy" or "We are deeply sorry to hear about the death of your daughter" are appropriate, but if you had a personal connection with the child, mentioning her name will personalize it further. "You and Suzy are in our thoughts and prayers," "Words cannot express the pain and sorrow I feel over the loss of your son Danny, but know that I am here for you" and "Cindy brought so many gifts to our lives. We will never forget her" are a few more personal ways to sign your sympathy card.

 

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What Do I Say on a Card for Funeral Flowers?

Writing a card for a funeral is often a difficult and painful task. Not only because of the situation, but trying to find the right words to convey your feelings on paper is often hard. There are many things you can say on a card for funeral flowers that will show the family how much you care. Below are just a few.

Prayers

• If the family receiving the card is religious, you might say, "Our prayers are with you during this time of need."

Thoughts

Send a card saying, "Our thoughts are with you" to someone you are close to who has lost someone you did not know.

Sympathy

• For the family of someone you were close to, it would be proper to offer your sympathy with words such as, "We express our deepest sympathy for your loss."

Condolences

• When sending a card for a funeral of someone you did not know well, it would be appropriate to send a card stating "with heartfelt condolences."

Comfort

• If someone close to you loses a family member who you knew well, you might say, "May your heart and soul find comfort in this time of loss."

Memories

• When someone in your own family dies, it is appropriate to write "With loving memories of [Deceased's Name]" on a card for funeral flowers.

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Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Mother's Day can be a hard holiday to handle for those caregivers who have lost their mothers.


If it's a recent loss, the omnipresent messages of Mother's Day may feel like too much to bear. If more time has passed, Mother's Day may inspire you to do something special to honor the memory of the woman who will always remain in your heart.


But, regardless of the amount of time that has passed, there are several ways that you can manage your grief while remembering Mom this Mother's day.


The Dignity Memorial® network of funeral providers offers five tips to manage grief during Mother's Day:

1. Buy a Card: It's hard to escape Mother's Day cards for sale in the month of May. If the card display makes you feel emotional, go ahead and buy a card that captures your feelings or your relationship with your mother. Thoughtful, serious, or funny, the card you choose can help put your emotions and thoughts into words. Tap into those memories, and write a note in the card. You can bring the card to your mother's gravesite, or keep it in a special place at home.
2. Set a Place: On Mother's Day, set an extra place at the dinner table for Mom. You might include your mother's photograph at the place setting as well. Keeping her seat at the table can help you feel as though she's still included in the family meal. Along with this idea, each family member can share a special memory of Mom or Grandma before beginning the meal. Preparing your mother's favorite meal, or a special recipe she taught you how to prepare, is another way to embrace happy memories of Mom on Mother's Day, rather than focusing on her absence.
3. Bring Flowers: Bringing flowers to your mother's gravesite on Mother's Day is a lovely way to pay tribute to her. When so many others are rushing about to buy last-minute gifts, cook meals or make one or more visits to parents and in-laws, take the time to visit your mother's gravesite for some moments of quiet reflection. A fresh arrangement of her favorite flowers can add some color and a touch of spring. If Mom's gravesite is in another state, ask the cemetery about placing a floral arrangement for you. As an added service, most Dignity Memorial providers have relationships with local florists to make ordering flowers easy.
4. Visit Another Mother: Mother's Day can feel lonely if you can't visit or call your own mother. Consider visiting a senior in a nursing home, or senior center who might not otherwise have any visitors on Mother's Day. If appropriate and permitted by the facility, younger children can also enjoy the visit. Instead of feeling alone with your memories on Mother's Day, use the day to bring joy to another mother's afternoon.
5. Donate Your Time: They say charity begins at home, and many moms leave a legacy of giving. Keep her legacy alive by volunteering with a meaningful local organization on Mother's Day. Serving meals at a local food pantry, planting new flowers or vegetables at a community garden or reading to children through a hospital program are examples of volunteer opportunities that might reflect your mother's interests while allowing you to spend an otherwise tough day in service to others.

Missing Mom on Mother's Day is natural. And how you choose to spend Mother's Day when Mom is gone may vary from year to year.

However you decide to spend the day, grief experts agree that it's most important for you to listen to your heart and allow yourself to do as much or as little as you are able to do. Giving yourself permission to grieve for and honor your mother in whatever way you need to is essential for coping with an elderly parent's death while remembering Mom this Mother's Day.



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