How To Find Help With Caregiving

"Where can I find support?"

One of the most commonly-asked caregiver questions is also one of the hardest to answer—in part because the response will vary from person to person.

A few lucky individuals can instantly rattle off the names of the men and women in their lives who are waiting in the wings; poised to help them whenever called upon. However, many caregivers find themselves in the opposite position; desperately seeking someone to lend them the proverbial helping hand or sympathetic shoulder.

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to attend a presentation for caregivers by Kenneth Doka, Ph.D., a professor of gerontology at the College of New Rochelle, who shared many strategies for managing caregiver stress. (Discover: 10 Signs of Caregiver Stress)

This simple strategy may help you identify and vet your pre-existing support network:

1. Make a list: Write down the names of the people you interact with on a regular basis. Anyone you could look to for support should go on this list, as well as those who you may not initially consider to be a source of help. (Remember, this is a brainstorming session. Resist the urge to jump in feet-first and strategize or over-analyze. Just dump all of your ideas on to the page.)
2. Categorize: Once you've compiled your list of names, it's time to categorize each person into one of four groups based on their main strength. The four groups are: Doer, Listener, Respite provider and Critic.

• Doer: Put a D next to the names of the individuals who are the "doers" in your life. These are the people best-suited to help with day-to-day tasks, such as bringing over a casserole if you become so swamped that you don't have time to make dinner, or coming over one day to lend an extra pair of hands to help clean the house.
• Listener: Put an L next to the good listeners on your list; those people who you can call and invite out for a cup of coffee just to vent, knowing they will listen and not overshadow the conversation with their own woes.
• Respite provider: An R goes next to those individuals who could potentially be sources of respite for you. These are the people who will come over and take you out to dinner, or a movie and discuss any topic, except caregiving. Their talent is in helping you re-connect with the other aspects of your life and personality.
• Critic: Finally, a C goes next to the names of those people in your life who are destructive and critical; the negative Nancy's, the complainers and those who drain you of your energy and happiness.

3.  Make a plan: Use your newly-sorted list to formulate an action plan. How you can utilize these various resources to help you cope with the task of taking care of your loved one?
Each caregiver's list will be different. You may find yourself staring at a depressingly-large amount of C's and very few R's and H's.

The goal of this exercise is to identify your ready-made resources and help highlight the gaps in your support network that need to be filled.

By pinpointing and playing to the strengths of your friends, family and acquaintances, you can make sure you get the help you need from the people who are best-suited to each particular task. You wouldn't want to ask a Helper to do the job of a Listener; it would be uncomfortable for them and not as useful to you.

Of course, this simple technique won't miraculously provide you with all the help you need to take on the colossal task of caring for a loved one.

Dementia Signage for the Home

 

Porch Light switch Sign Rectangle Sticker

 

"Off" Setting Labels Stickers

 

"On" Setting Labels/ Square Sticker

 

"Low" Setting Labels/ Sticker

 

"Doc" T-Shirt (Red)

 

Calendar Appointment Reminder Stickers 

Caregiving in China

Mothers and fathers aren’t the only ones urging adult children to visit their parents. China’s lawbooks are now issuing the same imperative.

New wording in the law requiring people to visit or keep in touch with their elderly parents or risk being sued came into force Monday, as China faces increasing difficulty in caring for its aging population.

The amended law does little to change the status quo, however, because elderly parents in China already have been suing their adult children for emotional support and the new wording does not specify how often people must visit or clarify penalties for those who do not.

It is primarily aimed at raising awareness of the issue, said one of the drafters, Xiao Jinming, a law professor at Shandong University. “It is mainly to stress the right of elderly people to ask for emotional support… we want to emphasize there is such a need,” he said.

Cleaning lady Wang Yi, 57, who lives alone in Shanghai, said the new law is “better than nothing.” Her two sons work several hundred kilometers (miles) away in southern Guangdong province and she sees them only at an annual family reunion.

“It is too little, for sure, I think twice a year would be good,” she said. “We Chinese people raise children to take care of us when we are old.”

China’s legislature amended the law in December following frequent reports of elderly parents neglected by their children. It says offspring of parents older than 60 should see that their daily, financial and spiritual needs are met.

Although respect for the elderly is deeply engrained in Chinese society, three decades of market reforms have accelerated the breakup of China’s traditional extended family, and there are few affordable alternatives, such as retirement homes.

Xiao said even before the Law of Protection of Rights and Interests of the Aged was amended, there were several cases of elderly parents suing their children for emotional support. Court officials generally settle such cases by working out an arrangement for sons or daughters to agree to visit more frequently. Typically, no money is involved.

The number of people aged 60 and above in China is expected to jump from the current 185 million to 487 million, or 35 percent of the population, by 2053, according to figures from the China National Committee On Aging. The expanding ratio is due both an increase in life expectancy — from 41 to 73 over five decades — and by family planning policies that limit most urban families to a single child.

Rapid aging poses serious threats to the country’s social and economic stability, as the burden of supporting the growing number of elderly passes to a proportionately shrinking working population and the social safety net remains weak.

Zhang Ye, a 36-year-old university lecturer from eastern Jiangsu Province, said the amended law was “unreasonable” and put too much pressure on people who migrate away from home in search of work or independence.

“For young people who are abroad or work really far away from their parents, it is just too hard and too expensive to visit their parents,” she said. “I often go to visit my parents and call them … [but] if a young person doesn’t want to, I doubt such a law will work.”

Dementia Signage for the Home

 

Weekly To Do List Notepad (White)

 

EZ-C Bright Yellow Prescription Refill Sticker

 

Phone Message Notepad (Bright Yellow)

 

EZ-C Bright Yellow Phone List Wall Decal

 

EZ-C Bright Pink Notepad

 

EZ-C Bold Yellow Notebook

Women and Alzheimer's Disease

If you are a woman, a new report from the Alzheimer’s Association might just jolt you upright. Consider:

• Women in their 60s are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease sometime in their lives as they are to develop breast cancer.
• They have a 1 in 6 chance of developing the disease. A man’s chances are 1 in 11.
• Three out of 5 people with Alzheimer’s are women.
• Women are 2.5 times more likely than men to provide the 24-hour, hands-on care at the end stage of the disease that a loved one might need.

These are just some of the statistics to come out of this week’s 2014 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures report, which includes a special report on women and the disease.

“Our report shines a light on the disproportionate burden on women, who are at the epicenter of Alzheimer’s disease,” says Angela Geiger, chief strategy officer for the Alzheimer’s Association. “We’re hoping the report serves as a catalyst for increased federal funding.” Currently, the government spends $500 million annually on Alzheimer’s research, as compared with $6 billion for cancer and $5 billion for heart disease.

“With that investment have come great advances with those other diseases,” says Geiger. “If we’re willing to make that same kind of investment, we’ll have the same success in preventing and treating Alzheimer’s. It’s the only one out of the top 10 causes of death that can’t be cured, prevented or even slowed.”

Other figures that popped out at me:

• One-third of all seniors who die in any year have been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or another dementia.

• Approximately 5 million Americans who are 65 or older have Alzheimer’s, while 200,000 or so who are under 65 have early-onset Alzheimer’s; by 2025, look for a 40 percent increase, or a total of 7.1 million who are 65 or older; by 2050, the numbers are expected to reach 13.8 million, or almost three times what they are today.

• Eighty-two percent of those with the disease are age 75-plus, 32 percent are 85-plus, and 11 percent are 65-plus.

• Last year, family, friends and others devoted 17.7 billion hours of unpaid care for people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias.

• The Alzheimer’s Association puts the national cost of caring for people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias at around $214 billion this year. Medicaid and Medicare account for 70 percent of those costs ($150 billion).

• Thirty-nine percent of those who cared for someone with dementia said they were depressed, while this figure was 17 percent for non-caregivers. Women also received less outside help. Not surprisingly, caregiving responsibilities often impacted the informal caregiver’s health.

• Almost seven times as many female Alzheimer’s caregivers as male caregivers cut back from full-time to part-time work, with twice as many women as men saying they had to stop working or had lost their job benefits.

Dementia Signage for the Home

Time For Spring De-Cluttering!

Spring is in the air, even if …

…even if we have to clean.

Is it springtime yet? It’s gotta be there somewhere under all the snow in the Midwest and Eastern U.S.!

Despite the unusual weather we’ve had this year, the longer days trigger in us an annual ritual.

What do we do each spring?

With the longer days, I like to clean–not so much to vacuum and dust, but to clear the clutter in my life. There is the usual physical clutter and the backlog of digital clutter. Then I try to get rid of the old ways of thinking that fill my mind (mental clutter) in order to make more time to do the things I love.

If you’re also de-cluttering, join me this spring.

 

Forget those rules like If you haven’t used something in a year, get rid of it. Noooo, co-author, Eric Riddle, and I have collaborated on a New FUN look at how we define the clutter in our lives and flexible ways to get our minds out of the clutter. HECK, we admit to holding some things for decades!

 

Don’t fear. we won’t pass judgment on any of your stuff until you ask us. First, it’s up to you to DEFINE YOUR CLUTTER. Once you take that first step, invite us to help you get rid the clutter in your life. Until then…

We INVITE YOU

Are you nearby? We invite you to our book launch for STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter. Our launch is really our baby shower–yep, for our book! Men are invited. Eric needs the support of fellow males. I’m happy Eric and I are able to give birth (finally!) to our ideas–gestating for some forty years then conceived a couple years ago. (That’s a bit backward, isn’t it?) Eric’s wife, mother of three, says if this is what giving birth is like, we’re birthing an elephant! Come see!



We’d love to see you.

Click on the first link below to attend our launch event and receive two copies of STUFFology 101 on April 12. We’ll send the location information to the west Palmdale, California residence in early April. Deadline April 1–only 11 days away!

Attend Launch Event – Includes 2 copies of STUFFology 101 book and Launch for only $20.

If you’re too far away ;-(, we’ll extend to you the same pre-press pricing until April 1, 2014. See second link.

Click on the link below to order copies of STUFFology 101 for $10 each (minimum 2-copy order) and pay only $5 for shipping no matter how many copies you order. Procrastinating will cost you (and add to the cluttered thoughts in your mind). After April 1, 2014, a single copy order is $19.90 ($14.95 + $4.95 shipping). For $5 more ($25) plus CA state tax your order placed today will ensure you’ll find at least two books in your U.S.-based mailbox in April!

STUFFology 101 – Order any multiple of 2 copies for $20 (2, 4, 8, 10, or even 100) and pay the same low $5 for shipping!
Offer expires April 1, 2014.

While we build a new website for STUFFology101.com, we want to share this with you! Once the new STUFFology101.com goes live, it will be totally awesome. Okay, that sounded like a skateboarder or surfer talking. Sometimes, it’s hard to maintain composure–you’d agree after meeting me in person!

See all our products at Dementia Signage for the Home

How to Handle People with Dementia Who Tell Lies

Then, there are abuse issues. Again, there are horrible incidences of physical elder abuse. The worst ones make the news, but many go undetected or unreported.

However, many people are accused of abusing their loved one because the person with dementia has lost the ability to connect with reality.

When the caregiver tries to wash the elder, or change his or her clothes, or even take the elder in the car for an appointment, an elder with dementia has been known to scream out, seemingly in pain. The person isn't doing this to cause trouble. He or she is frightened.

I can't stress strongly enough that I'm aware of very real elder abuse. But I do know, from personal stories I've been told  that caregivers are often the target of accusations from the very people they are giving up much of their lives to care for. This is happening because the person with the failing memory cannot make sense out of his or her environment. They aren't trying to cause trouble. They simply can no longer make sense out of life.

How to Cope

• Get the help of a third party, whether it's a spiritual leader, another family member, nursing home staff or an old friend of your elder's can help.
• Call the Alzheimer's Association for guidance, as they see this often and have trained counselors to help.
• Get out financial records if the accusations are financial (they often are). Keep good records from the start, but have them ready to show to your elder or the accusing person.
• Engage an elder attorney if necessary. This is extreme, but sometimes it happens that you need legal counsel.
• If you have siblings or others who believe the other person and not you, you may want to engage a family mediator.

Often, these accusations are transient, and the person with dementia forgets the incident. It's hard for the caregiver to forget that he or she has been accused of stealing or harming someone they love, but this is a time when we must remember that the person is sick. However, sometimes we have to protect ourselves. When we must, we must.

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