The Alzheimer's Digest: Death of A Spouse

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Grieving the Death of a Spouse: Tips for Coping

After a spouse passes-on, the world can never be the same. One enters a state of grief, moving from feelings of shock, fear, and numbness, possibly into a state of guilt for being the one to survive. It’s not uncommon to feel anger towards your partner for abandoning you. There is no clear roadmap for grief, and emotions that arise can be startling and confusing. All of this is normal.

Symptoms of both emotional and physical pain come uncontrollably in waves, fits of crying, or disorientation. Many experience difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, inability to concentrate and make decisions.

For some people it doesn’t take long for these reactions to subside, for others it can take a very long time. But for all people in grief, the gripping pain eventually loosens. Some days seem to be easy and others very hard, but at some point the easy days begin to outnumber the hard days.

Sometimes mourning goes on too long, and can lead to depression and anxiety. If you feel your grief has not subsided for a very long time and you cannot perform your everyday tasks, talk to your doctor immediately.

Simple things you can do

In the beginning, you might find it best to keep focused on things you need to do to keep yourself busy. Friends and family members are around a lot during this time, but eventually you’ll need the courage to face the more solitary time. Taking care of yourself is your top priority. Do your best to exercise, eat right, and get plenty of sleep. Avoid too much alcohol or tobacco which put your well-being at risk. Visit your doctor at the usual times, and take all necessary medications.

Be open with the friends that you trust. Sharing the truth of your feelings will help you to heal. You might also consider joining a grief support group. Talking to people in a similar situation, such as groups in hospitals and religious establishments can help you feel like you’re not alone. Individual therapy is also an option. Keep in mind that mourning takes its own time and runs its own course. For awhile you might feel tossed-about by your feelings, but this too shall pass.

How to help a family member

If your parent or loved one loses a spouse, be sensitive to the fluctuation of their emotions. Allow them to experience their grief in whatever way it happens for them and be responsive to their needs. Gentleness, an open ear, and an open heart are some of the best gifts to offer.

Dementia Signage for the Home

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Doctor's Appointment Reminder Notes Notepad

Doctor's Appointment Reminder Notepad

Red Prescription Bottle Refill Date Sticker

Appointment Reminder Notepad - Red w/Black Text

Medication Reminder Notepads

Red Toiletry Labels for

Friday, July 12, 2013

How Assisted Living Helped One Dad Discover the Internet

Debi Cacace is a loving, caring daughter-in-law. A few years ago, she worried when her mother-in-law passed away, leaving her 83-year-old father-in-law, Tony, living all alone. Since Debi and her husband live close to Tony, they spent a lot of time with him, but she still worried about the loneliness and quietness of his life after losing his beloved wife of more than 50 years to Alzheimer's disease.

Then it happened -- the home accident that, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), puts two million seniors into hospital emergency rooms every year -- Tony fell and broke his hip. The hospital recommended that Tony stay in an assisted living facility to help with rehabilitation and daily care while recuperating from his accident. Tony was reluctant, but Debi and her husband advised him that it was just for a short rehab period, and then he could return to his home.

When Tony moved into the Willow Towers Hebrew Home in New Rochelle, New York, he became involved in a special gero-technology program in which local nursing students gave seniors tutoring on how to use technology. The brainchild of Associate Professor Jean Coppola of Pace University, the program assigns a student to each senior. Tony's computer buddy was Daniel, a second-year nursing school student.

Each week, Daniel helped Tony, who had never used a computer before, learn how to create a Facebook page, surf the Internet, and conduct a videochat. Tony had joined the U.S. Army during World War II and eventually became a Purple Heart hero from the famous Battle of the Bulge. Although he lost a lot of friends during the war, Tony was amazed at how many other veterans and others from his past he could find via the computer. He had also been a lifelong New York Times subscriber, but now he found that he enjoyed checking out CNN.com or NYTimes.com for his daily news. And he could keep track of his beloved New York Yankees on ESPN.com and via the Yankees Facebook page.

Debi, thrilled by Tony's adoption of technology into his life, watched how he flourished in the assisted living community he had been reluctant to join. Tony uses the computer in the tech lab at the facility, and he's comparing prices so he can get his own laptop for his private room. He loves talking to 60-years-younger Daniel and found himself becoming more social with the other residents at the Hebrew Home. In fact, Tony advised his family that he would like to move into the assisted living home permanently, and he recently became the resident social activities chairman.

The videochat capability became Tony and Debi's favorite activity. In the past, if Debi couldn't visit Tony every day, she would call and talk to him on the phone. But with videochat, she feels more relieved to be able to "see him as well as talk to him." She says you can learn so much from someone's appearance or body language that you may not get over the phone.

Debi truly believes the technology allowed Tony to learn to be more social, and that led to his engaging more with the other assisted living residents. It also helped him make a connection to the assisted living facility he now calls home. She feels if he had returned home and remained somewhat isolated from all the social interaction with Daniel, facility staff, and residents, he would not be thriving in the way he is today.