"These situations often do end up where care has to be in a facility -- and that may be a good solution for everyone," psychiatrist Ken Robbins says. "Sometimes, though, there's an easy answer that allows home care to continue."
Solutions
- Be sure there's been a through physical exam to see if a problem, such as incontinence, is fixable. Adult diapers and toileting schedules, or a change in medications, may make incontinence more manageable, for example. Frequent falls and problems getting up are other physiological problems that may be treatable.
- For behavioral issues such as wandering, learn the basic ways to address the problem (for example: floor alarms, locks, reducing anxiety) and see if they make a difference.
- Explore whether bringing in more help, such as personal care assistants or nurse aides, can buy time and get you through difficult challenges (such as bathing and dressing).
- Make sure you're not trying to solve the problem alone. Brainstorm possible solutions with other family members, a social worker or geriatric care manager, doctors, and friends -- including virtual ones -- who may have experienced similar issues.
- If you've explored every option and things still aren't working, ask yourself if you're resisting out-of-home placement because of guilt. "Step back," Robbins says. "If a problem is dangerous to either one of you, ask yourself why you're being so persistent about not making a change." He often finds that when caregivers are no longer frustrated and angry with their loved ones all the time, they're better able to spend emotional energy enjoying one another again.
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